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Follower of Jesus. Aspiring Nurse. YouTuber (lol). Blogger (lol). America's Best Shower singer. Ex-Religious. Ex-churchgirl. Ex-Pharisee.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Restarting Blogging. LOL

So I'm going to Re-start this whole blogging thing.... I find it interesting that some conference speakers that I looked up (i.e. Catalyst conference workshop speakers) are actually identified as (professionally, I guess) "bloggers." Interesting, right?
That you would be known as a "blogger" - someone who regularly posts their thoughts, feelings, reflections, insights, day-to-day epiphanies on a virtual catalogue for others to see and peruse. Ha.

....Moving on, I just got the book "Life after Church" by Brian Sanders (Mike Patz's spiritual twin lol) and I'm riveted already in reading the first 15 pages. Mannn, this dude is explaining how I'm feeling right now, like nobody's business (so to speak).
In some ways, I'm thinking about asking this brother to pay me some royalty money for using my journal entries (wink wink) to publish within in his book. Naw, just joking. In short, I find his explanation of his testimony --- the birthingplace of why the book was written, to be similar to the attitude of my heart regarding the conventional "Sunday morning experience."
I've come to dread Sundays between the hours of 11 and 1:00pm. I almost can't hide it anymore; I feel super awkward; super critical; and restless during these hours. I almost feel like grabbing the mic during church service and asking everybody in the room why are we torturing ourselves every sunday... I really do. Mann, there's a couple of more thoughts about how I'm feeling about church these days, but I gotta go. ... I just want the church to not be boring....predictable...unfruitful....limp....foolish-looking... It's been a sad couple of weeks with "church" for me... I almost sometimes laugh at the current state...just out of my own awkward-nervous reaction to how it plays out. Like sometimes I wonder what angels are thinking about what's going on; do they laugh or does the devil laugh?

In short, I'm longing for more in my biological family to experience from God...and ofcourse, in my spiritual family to experience from God. Certainly, I feel that despite a weak sunday experience... I am challenged to BE the church at home with my family - dad, mom, younger brothers.... More than ever, Holy Spirit has me convicted to LOVE my parents as I love myself....
Oh man, its been hitting home like never before: My family are all candidates of God's love and affection too!!! They're objects of God's joy just as I am... Recently, I'm learning to listen more keenly to the desires of my family members' hearts. So for example, I'm realizing how much they ask for help, but without asking directly. Sometimes they're wanting someone to step in and willingly help as opposed to asking directly. I'm wanting to not be "messiah" to them; but to be a prophetic expression of God's love and joy to "be with" them, individually. I can be so selfish when I'm at home, because I became an expert at selfish living at age 5. By Age 10 I was teaching classes in "Living Selfishly" at the local community center; And at age 16 I got my PhD in it so as to continue propagating a lifestyle regimen that is proven to work for millions of people. Mann, since God got a hold of my heart, its just been a journey of repenting of my expertise in selfish living.... thinking of myself before others has got to go.... and so, this is what I'm trying to walk out more and more..... I'm choosing to.

Next post: How I'm also learning to dream again and take steps to pursue those dreams.

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